Show me the meaning of being lonely.............

Nothing beats having a heartache when someone just want to make an enemy out of you when you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Or perhaps you think you have not done wrong but without you realizing, you have hurt someone someway somehow....hmmm.....but i know for sure I didnt do anything wrong to her and she marked me for the rest of her life(as if I care). Well, whatever it is, you do not have to be prejudice where our professionalism is concerned....work is work, personal is on a different note altogether. I just realised that I am being surrounded by a bunch of kiddos that goes wee wee wee all the way home to their mothers. No professionalism at all!

 

I hate working in an environment where all that the people do here is sitting in their group at one corner and yak yak yak abt other people. I wonder if this company pays their staff based on their KPIs to get updated information on the gossips abt the people ard them? Hence, I put my foot down and do not wish to join the group and move on with my work and be alone. That is the best so far now. I go lunch alone, breaks alone, shopping alone and it is really therapeutic. I don't hear people sulking abt the mgmt, I don't hear abt who did what and with whom by the staircase, I don't hear people telling me who many times they did the 'thing' with their spouse....whoa.....how relaxing. You may think that I am a loner and aloof and I am happy if people think I am that. Actually, I am not being my real self. Look at my profile...what did it say? Ask my best buddy what type of person I am.....go talk to my parents and let them tell you what kind of daughter they brought up....But what I am now and choose to be now is not because I am a mother of one(soon to be two) and someone's wife. It's not that.....but it is because, I am sick of hypocrites! And 98% of these species can be found in this company I am working for. I love the business of this company, however, I just hate the bad aura the people here have.

 

My ultimate wish now is to have a partnership with my buddy and make the best of it. I will do my outmost best to get that enuf cash and be happy engaging in the field I know I can excel in. Get my PR status here and be happy with my family. I am drowning in this environment and suffocated with elements brought abt by the ungrateful, uncouth homo sapiens we call human. This very hazardous surroundings is very bad for me and the baby I am carrying. I have Faith in Allah and I know this is just one of the hurdles I need to breakthrough. God please give me strength.....for I know you love me and I love you too......

 

The scan pix.....at last it gets uploaded

The scan

 

                                   

 

What you are looking at is a scan of my uterus(and fats surrounding it...*shy*). This fetus(look hard in the cone shaped fig) is the cause of my morning sickness and the loss of appetite and the mood swings and the headache and the cold sweat and the.......the list goes on. It mentioned there that this fetus is measured at 2.6cm(take out ur ruler and see how small it is) and at 13weeks 4days old. I dun think the the latter is correct though. I shud be on my 9th week now. Dun tell me this kiddo is going to be big eh. Dr told me to be prepared for yet another C-section becoz according to her all those who did C-Sections has a risk to do normal delivery in case the old stitches rupture. But she also assured me that normal delivery is also possible. Told me not to think of it now. Just take care of myself and try to eat.

 

Someone dear and near told me this, I quote: "you better update your blog lah..you've been reading others.. heehehe..chendol", unquote. Well.....the scan is the reason wat's holding me back to write. Coz i wanted to post the picture but had no chance to do scanning in the office yet. So today, during my one hour lunch break, I took the opportunity to scan it. But thanks for the 'pressure'. Otherwise I will not bother to write my blog hehehehehhehehehe.

 

Mom just called a few minutes ago saying that my sil(sis in law) will be admitted this coming Monday for another C-Section. Her son(again) is breeched this time round and there's no sign tht baby is engaging in the correct position. She is now 37weeks and dr said no need to wait anymore bcoz they baby has decided to stay put the way he is now. So she choose 11/7/2005, same date as her first child. I wish you well sista. You and me (and other mothers who did C-section before) know that healing process for operation is far worst than having norm delievery. But hang in on there.

 

Hmmmm......3rd gandson for the family.....and I know silently my family is hoping mine will be a girl....we shall see.....